NECK EXERCISE!!

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Ramayana by Bill Gates...

When Bill Gates was in India, he had a chance 2 listen Ramayana from Atal Behari Vajpayee. After, returning 2 US he wrote it in his personal Diary.A Tabloid in US got a copy of his writings. These are excerpts from his diary.


Ramayana by Bill Gates...



LAN, LAN ago, in the SYSTEM of I/O-dhya, there ruled a PROCESSOR named DOS-rat. Once he EXECUTED a great sacrifice PROGRAM after which his queens gave an OUTPUT of four SUNs--RAM, LSIman, BUG-rat and SED-rughana. RAM the eldest was a MICROCHIP with excellent MEMORY. His brothers, however, were only PERIPHERAL ICs. Once when RAM was only 16MB, he married princess 'C'ta. 12years passed and DOS-rat decided to INSTALL RAM as his successor.However, Queen CIE/CAE(KaiKayee), who was once offered a boon by DOS-rat for a lifesaving HELP COMMAND, took this opportunity at theinstigation of her BIOSed maid (a real plotter), and insisted that her son Bug-rat be INSTALLED and that RAM be CUT-N-PASTED to the forest for 14years. At this cruel and unexpected demand, a SURGE passed through DOS-rat and he collapsed, power-less. RAM agreed to LOG INTO forest and 'C'ta insisted to LOGIN with him. LSI-man also resolved on LOGGING IN with his brother.The forest was the dwelling of SPARCnakha, the TRAN-SISTOR of RAW-van, PROCESSOR of LAN-ka.Attracted by RAM's stature, she proposed that he marry her. RAM,politely declined. Perceiving 'C'ta to be the SOURCE CODE of her distress, she hastened to kill her. Weeping, SPARC-nakha fled to LAN-ka, where RAW-van, moved by TRAN-SISTOR's plight, approached his uncle MAR-icha. MAR-icha REPROGRAMED himself into the form of a golden stag and drew RAM deep into the forest. Finally, tired of chase, RAM shot the deer, which, with his last breath, cried out desperately for LSI-man in RAM's voice. Fooled by this VIRTUAL RAM SOUND, 'C'ta urged LSI-man to his brother's aid. Catching the opportunity, RAW-van DELINKED 'C'ta from her LIBRARY and changed her ROOT DIRECTORY to LAN-ka.



----------------INTERVAL--------------------



RAM and LSI-man started SEARCHING for the missing 'C'ta all over the forest. They made friendship with the forest SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR SU-greev and his powerful co-processor Ha-NEUMAN. SU-greev agreed to help RAM.SU-greev ordered his PROGRAMMERS to use powerful 'SEARCH' techniques to FIND the missing 'C'ta. His ROGRAMMERS SEARCHED all around the INTER-NETworked forests. Many tried to 'EXCITE' the birds and animals not to forget the 'WEBCRAWLERS' (Insects) and tried to 'INFO SEEK' something about 'C'ta. Some of them even shouted 'YA-HOO' but they all ended up with 'NOT FOUND MESSAGES'. Several other SEARCH techniques proved useless.Ha-NEUMAN devised a RISKy TECHNOLOGY and used it to cross the seas at anastonishing CLOCK SPEED. Soon Ha-NEUMAN DOWNLOADED himself intoLAN-ka.After doing some local SEARCH, Ha-NEUMAN found 'C'ta weeping under a TREE STRUCTURE. Ha-NEUMAN used a LOGIN ID (ring) to identify himself to 'C'ta.After DECRYPTING THE KEY, 'C'ta believed in him and asked him to send a 'STATUS_OK' MESSAGE to RAM. Meanwhile all the raakshasa BUGS around 'C'ta carptured Ha-NEUMAN and tried to DELETE him using pyro-techniques. But Ha-NEUMAN managed to spread chaos by spreading the VIRUS 'Fire'.Ha-NEUMAN happily pressed ESCAPE from LAN-ka and conveyed all the STATUS MESSAGES toRAM and SU-greev. RAW-wan decided to take the all powerful RAM head-on and prepared for the battle.One of the RAW-wan'sSUN(son) almost DELETED RAM & LSI-man with a powerful brahma-astra. But Ha-NEUMAN resorted to some ACTIVE-X gradients and REFORMATTED RAM and LSI-man. RAM used the SOURCE CODE secrets of RAW-wan and once for all wiped out RAW-wan's presense on earth. After the battle, RAM got INSTALLED in I/O-dhya and spreaded his MICROSOFT WORKS and other USER FRIENDLY PROGRAMS to all USERS and every one lived happily ever after.

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Sachin Tendulkar First Interview

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Three envelopes!

Sometime after a man died, his widow, was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and wonderful man her late husband had been.


"He thought of everything," she told them. "Just before he died, he called me to his bedside. He handed me three envelopes. 'Honey,' he told me, 'I have put all my last wishes in these three envelopes. After I am dead, please open them and do exactly as I have instructed. Then, I can rest in peace.'"

"What was in the envelopes?" her friends asked.

"The first envelope contained $5,000 with a note, 'Please use this money to buy a nice casket.' So I bought a beautiful casket with such a comfortable lining that I know he is resting very comfortably."

"The second envelope contained $10,000 with a note, 'Please use this for a nice funeral.' I arranged him a very dignified funeral and bought all his favourite foods for everyone attending."

"And the third envelope?" asked her friends.

"The third envelope contained $25,000 with a note, 'Please use this to buy a nice stone.'"

Holding her hand in the air and showing off her diamond ring, she said, "So, do you like my stone?"

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Jeena isi ka naam hai

"Bhaiyyon aur Behanon. Today in our studios we have a well known personality from Bollywood, Ms Lisa Chopra. Who has not heard of Lisa ? Actually no one apart from her family cares for the answer but that is not the point. She set the industry alight with her debut film "Mere Dost ki Biwi Truck Driver ke saath Bhag gayin". She filmed such immortal numbers like "Patang uda do Saree mein" and "Om Pa Om Pa Boom Pom Pom". Later she followed it with her equally box office breaking films like "C..A..T Cat, Cat mane Billi" and also "Rum Pum Poosh Oh Rum Pum Poosh". Her talents at classical Indian dancing were apparent in the famous thumri, "Chicken khaoge ya Chocolate de doon malai mar ke". But Lisa did not stop there. She was not a woman to rest on her laurels. In fact, she did not even have any laurels. She would not have known a Laurel even if she woke up with in the bed with one. In her next movie, she takes on the challenging role of a rich girl who is in love with a poor boy. Such challenges are unheard of, in Bollywood. But lets hear about her life from herself, let's welcome in the studios the one and only " Lisa Chopra'."

(Recorded Applause)
Host - "Lisa, Welcome to our studios. Kaise lag rahan hain aapko aaj hamare studio mein ?"

Lisa - "Actually Farogue Ji, I am very honoured yaaa. I mean it's so great being surrounded by so many fans yaaa who have come here from all over India. It's a great feeling."

Host - "Lisa , actually we have paid them enough money to come here and applaud like they are on drugs every time the green light over there comes on. Anyway,

Kya aap logon ko batana chahogi, aap filmon mein kaise aa gayee ? "

Lisa - "I actually was not interested in films yaaaaa, but my friends kept on telling me that I must try for films yaaaa and they started giving gaalis and all yaaaaa. They entered me in a beauty contest yaaaa which I won. My friends told me that now I must try my luck in films so that's how it started."

Host- "Kya aap hamesha Hindi mein puche huen sawaalon ka English mein Jawaab deti ho ?"

Lisa- " No yaaa but my Hindi is not really good yaaa. It sort of so ..you know. My schooling was in English yaa."

Host - "Aap ko filmon mein pehla break kaise mila ?"

Lisa - "Actually Rikku ji saw me at the Lux Talent show yaa where he liked my attitude, my talent and my really short skirt which he initially thought to be a belt, hee..heeee..heeeee. After that he told me about his new film yaaa. "Mere Dost ki Biwi Truck driver ke saath bhag gayin'. When I heard about the role, I just knew I had to do it. It was very challenging to play the character of the truck. Initially, I was a bit nervous but Rikku ji really worked on me night after night and explained me my character and really brought out the best in me. The audience really appreciated the emotional intensity in my role, especially the scene in which the Truck has a dream and takes off her bikini under the waterfall while singing "Patang Uda do Saree mein". "

Host - " Lisa, agar aap filmon mein nahin hoti to kya karti ?"

Lisa - "I can't imagine my life without films. It is like what is that gas...yaaa. Aha..Nitrogen !! to me yaaa. I have to breathe it to feel alive. But actually, if not films then I had plans to pursue a PhD in Nuclear Medicine but I dropped out of school after class X to puruse my passion in films yaaa."

Host- "Aap ke favourite film director aur favourite film kaunse hai ?"

Lisa- My favourite film director is the great Steven Spielberg. I mean films like "Schindler's List" are real classics, Can you imagine what greater hits it would have been with songs. But my personal favourite film would have to be "Mere Dost ki Biwi Truck Driver ke Saath Bhag gayin" by Rikku Ji, with whom I am also shooting 2 more films.

Host - "Kya aap apne agle film ke bare mein kuch kahogi ?"

Lisa- "Actually I am playing this really challenging role of a rich girl who is in love with a poor boy. The families oppose it but love truimphs. In this character, I play a range of emotions and my character really changes from a spoilt rich girl to a girl who discovers love... you know so challenging yaaaa. Guddu ji has really worked on the story and the songs by Tinku ji are really superb especially, "Gundulu Gundulu". I just consider myself fortunate that I can portray this challenging role under the direction of Munna ji"

Host- " Kya aap apke Fans se kuch kehna chahogi ?"

Lisa - "Keep on supporting like you always have yaaaa. As a true actress , your applause is far more important than the millions that I stash away in black money"

Host - "Lisa , aap hamare studio mein aayeen. Bahut Kushi huyin. Bhagwan aapko aise hi Kaamyaabi de"

Lisa - "Farogue Ji, Shukriya yaa. I too hope I get "Kaamyaabi" yaaa. It would be great to work with Irfan ji. Thank you, once again you guys at home "

(Waves out to the microwave)

Host - "Lisa, Camera is taraf hain"

(Lisa and Farogue indulge in a lot of meaningless and unnecessary laughter with each other as the strains of "Patang Uda do Saree mein' reverberate in the studio and the titles come on)

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What Happens in Heaven

This is one of the nicest e-mails I have seen and is so true:

I dreamt that I went to Heaven and an angel was showing me around. We walked side-by-side inside a large workroom filled with angels.

My angel guide stopped in front of the first section and said, 'This Is the Receiving Section. Here, all petitions to GOD said in prayer are Received..'

I looked around in this area, and it was terribly busy with so many angels sorting out petitions written on voluminous paper sheets and scraps from people all over the world..

Then we moved on down a long corridor until we reached the second section.

The angel then said to me, 'This is the Packaging and Delivery Section. Here, the graces and blessings the people asked for are processed and delivered to the living persons who asked for them.'

I noticed again how busy it was there. There were many angels working hard at that station, since so many blessings had been requested and were being packaged for delivery to Earth

Finally at the farthest end of the long corridor we stopped at the Door of a very small station To my great surprise, only one angel was Seated there, idly doing nothing. 'This is the Acknowledgment Section,' My angel friend quietly admitted to me. He seemed embarrassed 'How Is it that there is no work going on here?' I asked.

'So sad,' the angel sighed. 'After people receive the blessings that they asked For, very few send back acknowledgments .'

'How does one acknowledge GOD's blessings?' I asked.

'Simple,' the angel answered. Just say, 'Thank you, LORD.'

'What blessings should they acknowledge? ' I asked.

'If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep you are richer than 75% of this world. If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish, you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy .'

'And if you get this on your own computer, you are part of the 1% in the world who has that opportunity. '

Also ......

' If you woke up this morning with more health than illness ... You are more blessed than the many who will not even survive this day .'

'If you have never experienced the fear in battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation .. You are ahead of 700 million people in the world.'

'If your parents are still alive and still married ...you are very rare .'

'If you can hold your head up and smile, you are not the norm, you're unique to all those in doubt and despair.'

Ok, what now? How can I start?

If you can read this message, you just received a double blessing in that someone was thinking of you as very special and you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world who cannot read at all.

Have a good day, count your blessings, and if you want, pass this along to remind everyone else how blessed we all are.


ATTN:

Acknowledge Dept.: 'Thank you Lord, for giving me the ability to share this message and for giving me so many wonderful people to share it with.

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Pappu ki Kavita

Pareshaan thi Pappu ki wife
Non-happening thi jo uski life
Pappu ko na milta tha aaram
Office main karta kaam hi kaam

Pappu ke boss bhi the bade cool
Promotion ko har baar jate the bhul
Par bhulte nahi the wo deadline
Kaam to karwate the roz till nine

Pappu bhi banna chata tha best
Isliye to wo nahi karta tha rest
Din raat karta wo boss ki gulami
Appraisal ke ummid main deta salami

Din guzre aur guzre fir saal
Bura hota gaya Pappu ka haal
Pappu ko ab kuch yaad na rehta tha
Galti se Biwi ko Behenji kehta tha

Aakhir ek din Pappu ko samjh aaya
Aur chod di usne Appraisal ki moh maya
Boss se bola, "Tum kyon satate ho ?"
"Appraisal ke laddu se buddu banate ho"

"Promotion do warna chala jaunga"
"Appraisal dene par bhi wapis na aunga"
Boss haans ke bola "Nahi koi baat"
"Abhi aur bhi Pappus hai mere paas "

"Yeh duniya Pappuon se bhari hai"
"Sabko bas aage badhne ki padi hai"
"Tum na karoge to kisi aur se karaunga"
"Tumhari tarah Ek aur Pappu banaunga"

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Sharpen Your AXE

Once upon a time there was a strong woodcutter who asked for a job to a timber merchant and got it.


The pay was really good and so were the work conditions. For that reason, the woodcutter was determined to do his best.

His boss gave him an axe and showed him the area where he was supposed to work.

The first day, the woodcutter brought 18 trees."Congratulations,"the boss said. "Go on that way!" Very motivated for the boss' words, the woodcutter tried harder the next day,but he only could bring 15 trees.

The third day he tried even harder, but he could bring only 10 trees.Day after day he was bringing less and less trees."I must be losing my strength", the woodcutter thought.

So, he went to the boss and apologized, saying that he could not understand what was going on.

"When was the last time you sharpened your axe?" the boss asked.

"Sharpen? I had no time to sharpen my axe. I have been very busy trying to cut trees."
**********************************************************************************************************

Our lives are like that. We sometimes get so busy that we don't take time to sharpen the axe."

In today's world, it seems that everyone is busier than ever,but less happy than ever.

Why is that?

Could it be that we have forgotten how to stay sharp?

There's nothing wrong with activity and hard work.

But God doesn't want us to get so busy that we neglect the truly important things in life, like taking time to pray, to read .

We all need time to relax, to think and meditate, to learn and grow.

If we don't take time to sharpen the axe, we will become dull and lose our effectiveness.

So start Today , Think about the ways by which you could do your job more effectively and add a lot of value to it .

Have a Great Day.!

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Whats W W W ???

(Extracts from a magazine)


This article is about “WWW”! No, no, no, no………………., it is not the usual stuff called “World Wide Web”!!!! Any guesses?????

Well, could it be “World of Wealth & War”???? Or is it “Whine With Wine” ???

Nay ;) Ok, last guess! Is it, by any chance, “What a Wonderful Wife!!!!”

Sorry, not again, but of course, somewhere near!

It is “What a Woman Wants????”

The itchy question that arises in the minds of many a male, right? So,,,,,,,,,,, expecting an answer??? Then we will have to “lines-read-lines” the following story. Please excuse if the story is a repetition, but, it is definitely worth reading again!

“begin”

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by Arthur’s youth and ideals. So, he offered him freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question:

What do women really want?????

If not answered within a year, Arthur would be sentenced to death!

Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man (remember Einstein!).

To young Arthur, it was something next to impossible (Mission Impossible!).

He returned to his kingdom, and began a poll – the princess, the priests, the prostitutes and all wise men. But, no one could give him a satisfactory answer. Some people advised him to consult an old witch who was very famous for her exorbitant charges. But our prince felt a little piqued! Days flew, and the last day of the year had already come.

Well, Arthur did not have any other choice and he went to the old witch. She agreed to help him, he would have to accept her price first. The old witch wanted to marry Gawain, the most noble of Knights of the Round Table and Arthur’s closest friend!!!! What a ridicule!

Arthur was horrified! The witch was hunch backed, had only one tooth and made obscene noises. Arthur point blank refused, to force his friend to marry her.

But later, Gawain spoke with Arthur. He told him that no sacrifice was too big for Arthur’s life.

So, the wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur’s question, thus:

“What a woman really wants is to be in charge of her own life”, how true!

The witch had uttered a great truth and so it was, that Arthur’s life was spared. Friends, the story does not end here. Please read on…………

What a wedding Gawain and the witch had! Arthur was torn between relief and anguish. Gawain was always his own usual self – gentle and courteous. The old witch put her worst manners on display, made everyone feel uncomfortable. The evening hour approached and Gawain bechaara, got ready for a horrific experience. He entered the bedroom.

Oh! What a sight awaited him! The most beautiful woman, he had ever seen, lay before him! The astounded Gawain asked what had happened. (remember the frog and princess story!). The beauty replied that, since he had been so kind to her, when she had appeared as a witch, she would hence forth be her horrible, deformed self, half the time and would be her beautiful self for the remaining time.

Which would he want her to be during the day and which during the night????

Gawain pondered his predicament! During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his home, an old witch. Or would he prefer having by day, a hideous witch, but by night, a beautiful woman with whom to enjoy many intimate moments? Which one would you have preferred if put into Gawain’s place????

Noble Gawain replied that he would let her choose herself. Upon hearing this, the beautiful woman announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life!

“the end”

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The Wisdom of the Sands

A stream, from its source in far away mountains passing through
every kind and description of countryside at last reaches the sands of the desert.

Just as it had crossed every other barrier, the stream tried to cross this one too.

But it found that as it flowed into the sands, its waters simply disappeared.

It was convinced however, that its destiny was to cross

this desert as well, and yet - there was no way.

Now, a hidden voice, coming from the desert itself, whispered:

the wind crosses the desert, and so can a stream.

The stream objected that it was only dashing itself

against the sands and being absorbed; that the wind could fly,

and this was why it could cross the desert, but How can I?

By hurtling in your own accustomed way, you cannot get across.

You will either disappear or become a marsh;

you must allow the wind to carry you over to your destination,

replied the desert. But how can this happen? asked the stream.

By allowing yourself to be absorbed into the wind, the desert replied.

This idea was not acceptable to the stream,

after all - it had never been absorbed before,

it did not want to lose it's individuality!

And once having lost it, how was one to know if it could ever be regained?

The wind, said the whisper, performs this function.

 

It takes up the water and carries it over the desert and then lets it fall again.

Falling as rain, the water again becomes a river.

But, how can I know that this is true? protested the stream.

It is so! replied the whisper, and if you do not believe it,

you cannot become more than a quagmire,

and even that could take many, many years. In any case,

it will certainly not be the same as being a stream!

But, asked the stream, can I not just stop here

and remain the same stream I am today?

You cannot, in any way, remain the same, whispered the desert sands.

Movement is your very nature. It will never cease until your

true destination has been reached. When the stream deeply considered this,

echoes of the truth began to arise in its mind. Yes, this is true.

He understood that this was the only real and intelligent thing to do.

And the stream raised its vapors into the welcoming arms of the wind,

which gently and easily bore it upwards and along, letting it fall

softly as soon as it reached the roof of the distant mountains.

It was now able to remember its prior dilemma in the desert

and now realized the goal of its long journey,

its true identity and the deathless nature of its true being.

And this is why, it is said, that the way by which the stream of life

crosses the desert of this world, is written in the sands.

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Something for u my dear friend…………

Charles Plumb was a U.S. Navy jet pilot in Vietnam. After 75 combat missions, his plane was destroyed by a surface-to-air missile. Plumb ejected and parachuted into enemy hands. He was captured and spent 6 years in a communist Vietnamese prison. He survived the ordeal and now lectures on lessons learned from that experience. One day, when Plumb and his wife were sitting in a restaurant, a man at another table came up and said, "You're Plumb! You flew jet fighters in Vietnam from the aircraft carrier Kitty Hawk. You were shot down!" "How in the world did you know that?" asked Plumb. "I packed your parachute," the man replied. Plumb gasped in surprise and gratitude. The man pumped his hand and said, "I guess it worked!" Plumb assured him, "It sure did. If your chute hadn't worked, I wouldn't be here today." Plumb couldn't sleep that night, thinking about that man. Plumb says, "I  kept wondering what he might have looked like in a Navy uniform: a white hat, a bib in the back, and bell-bottom trousers. I wonder how many times I might have seen him and not even said 'Good morning, how are you?' or anything because, you see, I was a fighter pilot and he was just a  sailor."  Plumb thought of the many hours the sailor had spent on a long wooden table in the bowels of the ship, carefully weaving the shrouds and folding the silks of each chute, holding in his hands each time the fate of someone he didn't know. Now, Plumb asks his audience, "Who's packing your parachute?" Everyone has someone who provides what they need to make it through the day. Plumb also points out that he needed many kinds of parachutes when his plane was shot down over enemy territory-he needed his physical parachute, his mental parachute, his emotional parachute, and his spiritual parachute. He called on all these supports before reaching safety. Sometimes in the daily challenges that life gives us, we miss what is really important. We may fail to say hello, please, or thank you, congratulate someone on something wonderful that has happened to them, give a compliment, or just do something nice for no reason. As you go through this week, this month, this year, recognize people who pack your parachute. I am sending you this as my way of thanking you for your part in packing my parachute !!! And I hope you will send it on to those who have helped pack yours!   Sometimes, we wonder why friends keep forwarding jokes to us without writing a word, maybe this could explain: When you are very busy, but still want to keep in touch, guess what you do , you forward jokes. And to let you know that you are still remembered, you are still important, you are still loved, you are still cared for, guess what you get? --- A forwarded joke. So my friend, next time you get a joke, don't think that you've been sent just another forwarded joke, but that you've been thought of today and your friend on the other end of your computer wanted to send you a smile.

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